“The challenge is not to be perfect, it is to be whole.” ~Jane Fonda
What a beautiful quote - how has the attempt at perfection plagued so many of us? To meet unyielding expectations; to fit in; to keep up; to succeed; to be victorious. What if none of that mattered and our chief aim was to revel in the joy that came from being whole, from being our authentic unique selves.
That’s where the quote is misleading - the challenge is not to “be whole” - the challenge, using this as a verb, is accepting that we already are whole.
We are born whole. We are born worthy. We are born loved.
We are also born human - which means layers of generational expectations, rules, guidelines mix and mingle with what we know to be our true selves. Because we choose to try and redefine ourselves by these rules, “meet and exceed” these expectations, adhere to the guidelines - even if we do succeed we may feel that pieces of ourselves are missing, that we must go in search of our true selves, find our true purpose. What if it was less a grand expedition but rather a decluttering exercise? Rather than going in search of yourself - you first sought to identify what rules and expectations you were trying to live up to that were not even part of who you are. Who would be revealed if all that clutter was left at the curb and the true you shined through?
So what does this have to do with parenting and ADHD?
We know that you were born whole, worthy and loved. And we know your children were born whole, worthy and loved. They were born with their amazing unique personalities and character strengths. They will learn to find their North Stars - find their ability to navigate in this world if they are allowed and respected for being themselves.
Yes, they may have lagging skills that they need to strengthen overtime. Yes, at times you will need to be a super parent to help them grow those skills. However, their gifts and their talents are uniquely theirs and they need to be encouraged and celebrated for growing those gifts. YOU have your own unique gifts and talents and YOU need to be encouraged and celebrated for growing your gifts.
You don’t have to find yourself, you just need to allow yourself to be revealed. Remove the layers of other people’s expectations and rules. Imagine growing up being celebrated for being uniquely YOU. Imagine knowing you’re worthy for being YOU - that your worth was not dependent on external validations. That is the best gift we can offer our children - for them to grow up knowing they’re whole, worthy and loved just as they are. (Even when they frustrate us…) But it starts with us - the parents.
If this sounds like the message you’ve been waiting to hear - then contact us and let’s set up a session to help you get started on this journey.
If this message sounds too far-fetched to be true - then contact us and let’s set up a session to help you see the beauty and simplicity of being YOU.